Analysis of a Church Help Wanted Ad

by Peter Alton

Recently I was looking at possible ministry opportunities available on churchstaffing.com and I stumbled across this incredible ad, which is reprinted below just as I found it, no editing whatsoever:

Minister of Stewardship
Portland, OR

Denomination: Presbyterian
Worship Style: Blended
Church Size: 2001 to 2500
Job Status: Full Time

Job Description:
The Minister of Stewardship will help ensure that the biblical principles of stewardship are integrated into every department serving the congregation and every program offered by the church. This person will be a visible and approachable "ambassador" to the congregation, helping develop joyful and generous hearts for giving.

ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Plan, implement and oversee Biblical stewardship programs for the congregation.

Lead implementation of online component of a planned giving site on the Sunset homepage

Develop stronger relationships with members who have been generous givers in the past

Provide opportunities to interact with members to increase knowledge about the joys of giving

Shepard the implementation of giving programs that are accessible for every member to leave assets/wealth to Sunset

Counsel Sunset Leadership team on Stewardship issues/opportunities

Communicate regularly with prayer support teams

Establish annual measurable goals and strategic objectives in alignment with Sunset Vision

Report regularly to Operations and Stewardship Team

Other duties as may be assigned by Senior Pastor

Communicate regularly with the congregation about principles of giving and the joy of giving and the financial needs of the church.

Create a culture of generous giving.

Apparently, Sunset Presbyterian Church in Portland, Oregon are looking for what they call a "Minister of Stewardship", but if you read the ad carefully you'll see that what they are wanting is a professional sheep shearer. The shorter they shear 'em, the better. Can you shear them so short that they bleed? Then please apply above.

Below is a breakdown of the above ad and my commentary on each section of the ad. Bible quotations are in regular text. Sunset Presbyterian Church have made this ad publicly available on churchstaffing.com and so I don't see any reason to change names, as there is nobody at this church needing to be protected (except for maybe the one or two families of stray sheep that may have wandered into the wolves' den by accident who are being shamelessly fleeced by these greedy charlatans).

Denomination: Presbyterian

What? Is Christ divided?

For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chloe, that there are contentions among you.

Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul? (1 Corinthians 1:11-13)

Do we not also say today, just as they did back then: "I am of Luther, I am of Calvin, I am of John the Baptist, and etc..."? Therefore, who is divided? The followers of Jesus Christ, or the followers of men and their man-made denominations?

Is Christ divided? Was John Calvin crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of John the Baptist? No, indeed not, let's follow Christ alone then, can we? Please? I don't want to be divided.

Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.

For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple. (Romans 16:17-18)

Worship Style: Blended
Church Size: 2001 to 2500

That is a BIG church! They really must know how to reach people! It makes me wonder, though, just exactly what is it they are reaching the people with? Jesus Christ wasn't very popular with the religious crowd in his day, and things have not changed today, so what's their trick?

Job Status: Full Time

Job Description:
The Minister of Stewardship will help ensure that the biblical principles of stewardship are integrated into every department serving the congregation and every program offered by the church. This person will be a visible and approachable "ambassador" to the congregation, helping develop joyful and generous hearts for giving.

Can anyone say "subtle guilt trips, seasoned with persuasive, fast talking, high pressure sales tactics, marketed with slick professionalism, masked with flattering words and a friendly smile"?

ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Plan, implement and oversee Biblical stewardship programs for the congregation.

Where in the Bible does it teach that Christians are to implement "programs" of any kind?

Lead implementation of online component of a planned giving site on the Sunset homepage

We need someone who knows how to set up our website to accept regular, weekly, or monthly PayPal payments!

Develop stronger relationships with members who have been generous givers in the past

To have respect of persons is not good: for for a piece of bread that man will transgress. (Proverbs 28:21)

But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin... (James 2:9)

For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment;

And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool:

Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts? (James 2:2-4)

Provide opportunities to interact with members to increase knowledge about the joys of giving

Shepard the implementation of giving programs that are accessible for every member to leave assets/wealth to Sunset

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. (Matthew 23:14)

The Bible teaches that parents ought to leave their wealth to their children, and even leave some of it to their children's children. Nowhere does it say Christians are to will anything to religious organizations. The Bible DOES however, teach that there are certain unscrupulous "ministers" who don't have any problem at all helping helpless widows decide how to spend their fortunes.

Note that the above verse does not say that it is wrong to make long prayer. The Bible says we should "Pray without ceasing." It is the PRETENSE that is wrong. In other words, they are PRETENDING to pray and thereby deceiving you into giving them your hard earned cash. But it seems that they don't even bother to pray much any more, because the people can't sit still long enough to endure it. "Let's get on with the program!"

Counsel Sunset Leadership team on Stewardship issues/opportunities

Let's all get on the same page here: We want their money and we will do everything we can within legal means to separate them from it.

Communicate regularly with prayer support teams

Pray for an abundance of hard, cold cash!

Establish annual measurable goals and strategic objectives in alignment with Sunset Vision

Hmmm... The Sunset Vision... strategy... objectives... annual goals... I see they are ambitiously aiming to achieve something really big here.

But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. (1 Timothy 6:9-11)

Report regularly to Operations and Stewardship Team

How much $$$ did you get this week (drool)??? Now let's talk about how we can get even more next week!

Other duties as may be assigned by Senior Pastor

Communicate regularly with the congregation about principles of giving and the joy of giving and the financial needs of the church.

More shameless begging and friendly guilt trips.

Create a culture of generous giving.

And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.(2 Peter 2:3)

What exactly does it mean to be made into merchandise? Simply this, the false shepherd gathers as many sheep unto himself as possible and then uses them as his source of income. He turns them into little money generating objects.

This type of "pastor" is not really a hireling, he is a wolf. Hirelings flea when the wolves come, but a ravening wolf will stand his ground to protect his easy income and will trample over and devour any sheep who dare to get in his way.

Jesus said in John 10:11-14:

I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.

The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep.

I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.

You may ask, "If he is a wolf, and not just a hireling, then why is he not scattering the sheep?"

But friend, he is scattering the sheep. You see, on rare occasions a stray family of sheep might just happen to wander in through his doorway, and the ravening wolf will see them and desire to devour and scatter them.

You see, sheep will sometimes question a pastor whenever his doctrine differs from the Bible's doctrines. Sheep do this because sheep love the truth, but wolves are threatened by the truth more than anything else in the world. The wolf, being threatened, must act quickly to silence the truth because he knows the truth sets people free (John 8:31-32), and the wolf doesn't want people to be free. The wolf wants people under his control. If people are free, there will be a definite loss of income.

The wolf's modus operandi, then, is to do whatever he can to destroy those sheep and scatter them in an effort to suppress the truth, and protect his fount of easy money (the church he controls). His many followers will usually be more than willing to back him up. They don't think for even one second that their pastor is possibly a wolf, or teaching lies. He couldn't possibly do anything wrong because he is so witty, friendly and funny, and preaches such "awesome" messages.

Now that I've got you thinking on this a little bit, let me ask you about your church. What are the staff at your church planning behind the scenes, in secret meetings behind closed doors? Do they aim to seduce you into giving them more money in the name of Jesus Christ, under the pretense of ministry, so that they can spend what they get on their own lusts?

In John 10:11 and 10:14, Jesus tells us HE is the good shepherd. May I ask who is shepherding you? Is it Jesus Christ? Or is it someone else?