Trauma In The School Of Discipleship

split by Rob Zins, Dallas, TX, Sovereign Grace Fellowship

We all at one time or another have been hurt by someone. Perhaps we have spent much time and effort on their behalf, and suddenly they leave us in the dust. Paul experienced this: "Demas, because he loved this world, has forsaken me... At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me" (2 Tim. 4:10,16).

In this article, I would like to deal with an aspect of this kind of trauma. That is, the trauma created when members of a body suddenly tear themselves away, often with no explanation.

The Lord has given us a school of discipleship in the life of the local church. It is with others, in corporate assembly, that we learn spiritual truths and attain unity. Christ has given in the church various gifts to be used for the edification of the body: "according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love" (Eph. 4:16). In many respects, the church is our lifetime school of discipleship where we work together for the glory of Christ

Within the body, Christ gives some to be overseers (elders/bishops/pastors). These men give time to the direction and correction of the church. Such men have been recognized in the local church as men of maturity and wisdom. These men are given charge to shepherd the flock and "hold fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, that he may be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict" (Titus 1:9).

In our culture today--with a church on every corner--the local assembly agonizes over a major hindrance to corporate discipleship. This agony centers around the inner terror and guilt associated with unilateral attrition. By unilateral attrition I mean an abrupt abandonment of the local church by parties without any attempted explanation or reconciliation. This breach, in effect, is one where everything upon which the previous relationship was grounded is undone, and it is harmful to the discipling function of the entire body.

I have been witness to much Satanic opposition to the growth of disciples because of this "disease." This kind of one-sided exit, more than anything else, serves to traumatize the remaining members, and often drives them to superficiality in their relationships (for fear of getting hurt "again").

Primarily, I wish to address those who are leaders in the local church, although one need not be an elder to bear the scars of ruptured relationships. I am aware that hardship brings us many valuable lessons, and I am committed to the truth that all things work for the good to those called of God. However, this does not lessen our responsibility to warn and comfort each other. Nor do such considerations reduce us to unfeeling, uncaring robots who are not deeply affected by events in our local assemblies.

I am writing with two thoughts in mind. The first concerns the response of the body to the trauma of a rupture in the church. The second is an exhortation to those who call upon the ways of Christ to enjoin intimacy in the disciple-making process, but who negate the ways of Christ by the way they break this bond. This "way" leaves the body bleeding and hurting every bit as much as the human body would bleed if a part of it were suddenly and arbitrarily cut off without adequate preparation.

1. Response of the body

My heart goes out to those who have poured their lives into others, only to have that particular person or family abruptly leave the assembly, or in some cases walk out of their lives completely. Depending upon the intimacy of the relationship and the use of gifts in the body, such a rupture can cause everything from grief to anger and depression. Coinciding with this is a tremendous amount of guilt and anxiety: "What did we do wrong?"

By way of encouragement, I want you to remember that you are not alone in your experience. Peter reminds the diaspora:

But resist, firm in faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brotherhood who are in the world (1 Pet. 5:9).

Jesus Christ

The same type of agony must have been experienced by our Lord. He was, above all, the Chief Discipler, and yet He also felt the pain of sudden abandonment. In John 6, after faithfully teaching the truth, Jesus watched as "many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him any more" (v. 66). The posture of Christ in the Garden gives evidence that our Lord had learned the secret of walking alone with God. This must be our consolation during times of personal betrayal and disillusionment in the body of Christ. We need to remember that Christ likewise suffered and did so to be our example (1 Pet. 2:22ff).

Paul

It is not long before Paul is faced with defection, desertion and dejection. He laments to the Philippians that he has but one of kindred spirit in Timothy (Phil. 2:20). This same Timothy is the one Paul cries over in exhorting him to rekindle afresh his gift of service to God (2 Tim. 1). Paul lost Demas to the world, and though we are spared the details, the agony must have been great (2 Tim. 4:10).

At our assembly we have learned to draw closer to Christ when disruption of this kind occurs. However, there is a danger of rallying around in a spirit of bitterness and anger rather than love. To combat this, we strive for other avenues. (1) We gather together to freely discuss where we may have erred. (2) We talk openly and honestly. (3) We pray for the departed member. (4) We heal each others wounds by picking up the position(s) vacated. (5) In love we contact the one who has left and encourage them to evaluate their unilateral decision. (6) We commit ourselves to never operate from a motive of revenge. (7) We attempt reconciliation by members of the body who are removed from any personal dispute.

2. Exhortation

These words are addressed to any party who has become involved in a local assembly, and is seeking a carnal exit. By carnal exit I mean the macho approach of pulling up stakes and riding out of town at daybreak without any explanation, or fair warning to the rest of the body. It may be the way of the world to break contracts, quit jobs. divorce spouses, drop off kids, and walk out of hard situations. But this is not the Christ-like way to handle problems. Consider the following:

The body is used to functioning and relying upon the smallest member for balance (1 Cor. 12). When this member is ripped away it leaves a severe gap which can cause trauma.
The body of Christ represents the only hope of mankind to see a difference and experience a difference in human relationships. Therefore, all matters must be worked through in a Christ-honoring fashion. This means mutual care and suffering. What kind of testimony is it to the world if some in the body of Christ follow the world's example of dealing with problems?
The resulting impact on the remaining members can cause them to fear intimacy. They can then tend toward superficiality, and become confused or frustrated when they cannot share at an intimate level.
One-sided departures may cause a weaker brother to seek low level commitment to the local assembly. This usually develops into a Christian cynicism which ultimately breeds mistrust and anxiety among the remaining brethren.

It is important to add in a positive way that those who have exited, or are tempted to exit one-sidedly must learn to work out problems where they are.

There will be times when leaving the body is necessary (geographical move, unresolvable doctrinal differences, to name two). But even then this should not be done without the following process:

As a member of a local body, you have an obligation to that portion of Christ's work. Therefore, any change in your status with that body should be discussed openly with the leaders of the assembly and perhaps with the body at large.
Take a great deal of time and give careful attention to making it work in your assembly. Who knows how God may mature you through any given situation. Remember, the local assembly can only school you in discipleship if you learn to work out problems where you are.
Seek wise counsel from those in the assembly you trust and love. Try to think it through and stay away from emotional decisions.
Give every situation a fair amount of time and be honest. Deceit kills an assembly. Be open and allow God to move.
If you must leave, then do your best before Christ to explain why. There is a myth that says it might be better if they did not know! This is incorrect. The body needs to evaluate a departure for its own growth and well being.
If you should leave, then at least remember the departure before taking your problems to the next assembly. In other words, take advice with you to avoid rupturing another body.

Everyone in the body of Christ is in the School of Discipleship. We must work together to protect each other from the Evil One and the sin that remains. Let us draw closer to each other without fear, considering how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together (Heb. 10:24-25).

Note: This article originally appeared in Searching Together, Volume 12:4, pp. 24-26. Used by permission.